New SETI Findings

Secrets of SETI Revealed

In our time of renewed overwhelming interest in UFO's, alien life forms, and their impact on the human race, I must bring this subject up. I think that it would be unfair to the regular readers of my blog, both of you, if I did not at this point reveal the secret findings of the SETI Project (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence), and why no one ever wants to talk about it. I will discuss the debate set off by a recent astonishing discovery. These kinds of subjects elicit very strong opinions from both the scientific and metaphysical communities.

THE SETI FINDINGS (Search For Extraterrestrial Intelligence))

SETI scientists have discovered a song. The song has reached us, eons after it was originally performed, from the depths of intergalactic space. The complete text of the song is very blurry. Translation AI algorithms are mightily challenged, but the refrain goes something like this:

My Face and Body

Are Just Fantastic

I am a Material Intergalactic.

This song, performed by some far off pop star, obviously confirms the following: 

the materiality of at least some race of the intergalactic population, the intense universal interest in pop stars, the universality of vanity, and the universal appeal of both bad music and bad lyrics. 

The Debate in the Scientific Community 

This finding was so depressing to SETI scientists that many of them abandoned the project altogether and went on “benders” of various kinds. The remaining scientist split into factions debating what action should be taken. One group was in favor of removing the “I” from the SETI acronym, believing that  “Search for Extra Terrestrials” would be a more appropriate name for the project.  Just drop the word "intelligence" at the end. Another group thought the project should be turned over to producers and hosts of Reality TV in the hope of collecting vast intergalactic royalties, and setting up a retirement fund for the the scientists as they fled from the project. 

The Debate in the Metaphysical Community 

The debate over this revelation in the metaphysical community has been fierce. Doubt is now cast on the veracity of certain channeled entities who have claimed the exclusive non-materiality of all intergalactic beings without exception. This notion is challenged by the lyrics.

Channelers with very strong opinions have become nasty with each other. Some channelers now claim that the entity channeled by one of their rival colleagues is not fit to carry the lunch pail of their own channeled entity. This in spite of the fact that lunch pails went out in the 70’s.

A Sad State of Affairs 

This state of affairs was compounded by further SETI revelations that the singer of the song was (yet again) pregnant by another actor/singer after she had already given birth to septuplets. She was said to be using birth control at the time.This last finding prompted a huge rush of scientists from the SETI project

The Treatment for the Problem 

Some scientists and metaphysicians sought out professional help for the emotional distress caused by these events. Common antidepressants were prescribed. Many scientists yearned for the good old days when no signs of extraterrestrials could be found and it seemed that human beings were alone in a mysterious and imponderable universe.