Sunday, September 6, 2015

Get A Job?

It is a modern metaphysical principle that things hoped and prayed for may show up in ways that are quite unexpected and even unrecognizable. Little did I know that this might apply to experiences with a personal digital assistant. I believed that  events stemming from interactions with a PDA were outside the realm of metaphysics and Biblical legend as well, but it turned out otherwise.

It was a rainy day in 2034 when I had myself uploaded into an iBody. I decided to do this because the competencies I was used to in the flesh and blood body, or as we now say, the “brick and mortar body,” were just about used up. I anticipated the “jump” to the iBody as a blessed event, a rebirth. I went to sleep in the Med Center, my mind peacefully prepared for the event.

Compared with the brick and mortar body, the new set of competencies I experienced with the iBody were wonderful. I regained suppleness, sex drive, quick thinking and memory, energy and staying power, and a life free of the aches and pains of an aging brick and mortar body. This was everything I'd hoped for. 

But then, a series of events occurred that have sorely tested my metaphysical perspective, events so life changing that even Steve Jobs himself could not have foreseen them. Indeed, the outcomes were so startling they would test the patience of a Job.

It all began at a glorious Christmas Party where my closest and wealthiest friends celebrated each other with very extravagant gifts. All the gifts were given with along with a gift contract, and that contract contained a single and very important operative clause. It stated that any gift could easily be exchanged at any time for anything at all. This was totally amazing! To test it out and have some fun with it at the same time, I instructed my PDA to evoke the operative clause and get me a gift exchange.

You see, I am a patient person.  I do not complain about my new format. It is rather attractive, and it was obviously achieved with tremendous skill. My sex change operation was completely successful. It is only that I had not even conceived the idea that I wanted a sex change operation. I must have mispronounced  the word  “operative” or the words “gift exchange”.  Maybe I said them unclearly. I’m even willing to consider my-sub conscious motives for the change and of course I take responsibility for what has occurred. After all, it's my life, right?

My attempts to contact my doctors are frustrating, since they’ve all been uploaded into iBodies recently, and medical communications are a bit scrambled until the next upgrade of the medical PDA system.

 I am, however, enjoying my new residence in Syracuse, Italy. I was moved here from Syracuse, New York by my personal digital assistant during recovery from surgery when I was “sent home.” I must say the legalities were all handled splendidly. No complaints there, and my iCar ride to the airport was smooth and soothing. I didn’t even wake up! The challenge to learn a new language and customs is probably something I needed anyway to sharpen my mental skills and to help me to think outside the box. You see, there is a silver lining here.

I admit it. I did mention that I am unhappy with living in an apartment complex, and that I prefer a single residence.  The doctor I am now married to is wonderful. She is a resident at a local hospital. She is very nice and appreciative of the companionship. I don’t complain that the companion she originally requested was a dog. I am flattered that I might have been chosen for the possibility I could demonstrate unconditional love the way a dog does.

I can report that the identity problems I have been experiencing are gradually subsiding because of the new identity suppression drugs. The life coach acting classes provided by my PDA are teaching me that all identities and roles we assume in life are really just like actors performing on a stage anyway. You see, I am becoming so wise! The PDA has been upgraded, and the latest version has agreed to attend therapy sessions with me to work on my forgiveness issues. I am becoming a better person.