Why So Much? Why So Much?

    The thing about being a car salesman is, you have to get  to the negotiation. “The car  is already sold," my trainers would say, “They didn’t come here to buy a loaf of bread!”

    “Why So Much?” That question from the potential buyer is both an accusation and the opening gambit in a negotiation. I can tell it’s going to be a long and hard negotiation complete with fists banging on desks, pleading family members, theatrical facial expressions and body language. To the person who asks this question, negotiation is a religion, a way of life, and the success of the  negotiation can be measured by how much physical and emotional energy is expended in the process. The negotiation must take several hours, maybe all day, and exhaustion is just as  important as the final outcome. Woe to the salesperson who takes up the challenge of “Why So Much?”. 

     From the customer’s point of view, the question must be asked with a look that simultaneously shows both insult and amazement. It’s important that face and body language express both emotions at the same time in order to communicate almost unbearable
suffering brought on by the price tag.  A catatonic and stunned silence follows. Speech itself is now impossible. The silence is deafening.

    “Why So much?”  The question tells me that this  person has engaged in price negotiations before at a different dealership, and they do have a purchase price in mind. So now I go fishing for the figure that seals the deal today. “How much too much is it?" I ask. The answer is not going to be simple and straight forward because the compulsive negotiator won’t reveal the figure. They believe they might get even a better deal if they repeatedly ask how much will I cut the price and then, can I do better than that and so on.

    I was well trained. “If I could, wouldja?” I was trained to say. “If I could get it today for $15,973.64 , wouldja buy it today??”  Notice the odd numbers involved. Using  these odd numbers indicates I’m making a heroic effort on behalf of the buyer to cut the price to the last possible cent. It also might be a cue (hopefully) to not take all this so seriously. Notice the use of the word, “today” in the question. This means it’s now or never, baby.  If I use this expression often enough, ending every offer with “Would you buy it today?” this will hopefully introduce levity into the negotiation. If this question is not successful, the next step is to say, “Mr. or Miss or Ms so and so, you seem to be hesitating, would you mind telling me what it is?” I try to get this question into the conversation at least three times because of the Three Answer Rule, to wit:

    The first answer will be an out and out fabrication like, “My dog ate the advertisement from the other dealership," or, “My daughter has the mumps today, and I need to get back." The second answer will be a red herring like, “My mother in law’s best friend told me it’s well known  that there is a defective haliboose in these cars”. The third answer may contain the essential ingredient, like  “I just got a divorce and I don’t think my credit is good enough to buy it on my own”. Finally! I could say (after discussing mumps, and halibooses, my experience with them in my own family, etc. at great length!), “If I could get the credit problem handled, wouldja buy it today?” And if the answer is yes, then I can move on to solve the credit problem.

    But I digress. Back to “Why So Much? I won’t need the Three Answer Rule in this case. The person who asks "Why so much?" can buy the car today. All I need is, “If I could do this, wouldja buy it today?” I’ve already used it countless times without success. Why?

    Remember there is the negotiation exhaustion requirement. We still have a long way to go before collapse of the parties involved. The price negotiation is only part of it. We have yet to exchange accusations: being unreasonable, taking advantage of people, making exorbitant profits, benefiting from the gas crisis, putting Americans out of work, and so on. We have, in some cases, not yet met the other family members who will come to testify about the character of this person, that this person is poor, sick, has limited opportunity and resources, that this is a good person, kind and caring, that this is the first car they have ever bought or that this is the last car they will ever buy in their lives.

    If other family members do arrive, it becomes more dramatic. Some family members engage in theatrics like  the good cop, bad cop scenario, the firm protector and the willing conciliator. The bad cop family member threatens to buy it elsewhere if I don’t  come down more in price. The conciliator may  give me a  pat on the back for trying so hard. Back and forth I go with offers from the buyer and counter offers from the sales manager, wearing a groove in the floor. Courage and endurance! Exhaustion is coming.

    It has been many years since I sold cars. I live with my wife in a country property with many beautiful starry nights. At times we sleep out on the deck and look up at the night sky. As more and more stars appear, and I look at the vastness of it all, sometimes I think, “Why so much?” Sometimes I imagine I hear the voice of the Great Negotiator saying , “How much too much is it?” “If I could cut it down to 972,849,227,100,843 stars, wouldja buy it today?”

    I read that some cosmologists believe the universe is infinite. Many people say they don’t know what this could possibly mean, but I have an idea. It means that no one anywhere or any time will be able to answer the question, “Why So Much?”